Chinky

Found out there’s a pattern to my prowling ways. Noticed that I would create a tinder profile a week before I’m about to start my period… and right when I start I would get into nesting/nurturing mode… then back on the grind (again)… so I would delete my profile… again… and again lol

With my kids, momma & my goals all being high priority for me, I think I should focus on those things lol but when that moon is full? I’ll be damned!

Now that I am AWARE, I’ll move differently.

Nature is some real ass shit lol

Dating as a mother in her 40’s (I like to round up lol) requires a lot of energy. How are people able to juggle more than one connection at a time? Don’t people have personal goals that take up a lot of their time?

Plus I have to do a lot of filtering for safety issues. I don’t advertise I’m a mom.

Real genuine people are eclectic in their personalities. This message applies to men too. You should learn how to understand your feminine side… it will benefit you in relationships.

I believe people are dating so fast, and so many at once, purely for entertainment purposes. Seriously.

Realize there’s a difference between a weekday date and a weekend date?

It was like a revelation for me to learn all these new “dating tips”.

I’ve always been an old soul… but with a silly, sometimes immature, sense of humor… lol I don’t think many guys appreciate this about me. But oh well… to each their own.

Why is it weird to want to get to know people for who they are without all the bells and whistles… right away? It would make the decision on whether they’re the one for you or not, a lot easier and quicker. Time is priceless.

People are willing to fuck on the first date… but cuddling and talking is just too weird for them.

I have accepted that I am a weekday woman.

The suggestion or “dating tips” I was given was that if I express what’s on my mind a LOT less... Or “don’t appear as smart all the time” or be “less silly”… or the best one yet… be “less honest“… I would be more attractive.

That’s just so odd to me.

Dating decades ago was not like this… Social media, are you to blame??

My ex husband took our daughter to her dance class for the first time ever during his visit here… and even though we are “fighting”, he sends me messages like this.

I have a love/hate relationship with him… like we’re fighting and all, but when asked or the subject comes up… he would always define me as “mensa smart and gifted” type of woman, “if she’s focused”… how can I hate a man who genuinely and continuously believe in me (while hating me at the same time) lol?

But that doesn’t mean he can’t be an asshole too… I am as well lol, we’re very eclectic people.

Taught myself a new skill/trade via the university of YouTube to save a little bit of money and a whole lot of time. After a few trial and errors, I finally figured out how to perfect my new craft. Will save me a total of 6-8 weeks and open lots of doors to many new possibilities.

So… the first 4 months were just warm ups… lol I’m now setting up shop and ready for launch in the summer.

I found something interesting… My closer connections like to mock me saying I’m very cocky and like to toot my own horn when it comes to finding things that are trendsetting… I legit am very proud about my ability to predict what people would like.

But this is an example of my swimsuit on the left that I made in Feb. 2017 before this large company came out with theirs for this year.

It’s happened a few times before… It’s not the first time… and won’t be the last. And it makes me very VERY happy 🙂

I know seeing other people have confidence is uncomfortable to some people… because they were never taught to be confident in themselves. They don’t know how confident feel like, so seeing someone else do it… it’s uncomfortable for them. I get it.

My dear mom is one example. She use to have confidence… but during the Khmer genocide, in the concentration camps… her confidence was beaten out of her. She was almost killed several times because they didn’t believe she was “Khmer” enough.

She’s this adorable little Chinese looking lady lol… My grandma, her mom is half Chinese and half Cambodian… and her dad is full Chinese. But the odd thing is, she has natural blue/grey eyes… so go figure?

I’m teaching my mom the simple life lesson of “Those who mind, don’t matter… and those who matter, don’t mind.”

She’s doesn’t believe she’s on the same level as those who have more than her. So she gets completely uncomfortable and quickly excuses herself and exits. When she first met my ex husband, she didn’t want to talk to him at all… she was scared. It was the first time I saw that side of my mom.

Now that she knows there might be a guest coming in… she’s nervous again and trying to find excuses for me to rent her a hotel room lol… It’s frustrating for me, but at the same time, how can I be upset? She’s 80 years old.

She was taught to believe that a good Christian despises money and here to serve only… it’s taken me a long time to help her change her outlook. But she’s still uncomfortable when engaging with successful people… I understand though… Thank god for weed lol

These taught beliefs are so damaging…

Although I understand where she’s coming from… can you imagine telling a whole grown ass person how they should communicate for the sake of those super sensitive people? Like the fuck? lol She’s dead serious too.

Why are the majority of adults not happy? Because we were never taught how to be happy… we were taught how to operate in an operating world. NOT in an emotional world. This is not fair to our world… and it shows.


We allow simple things as sounds to control us… think about that. It’s just a sound… that’s what a word is… a sound that has a meaning.

The term “chinky” affects this young black girl differently than it affects me… whose to say “who is right and who is wrong”?

She’s offended while I think it’s cute. I think chinky eyes are super cute.

An unskilled parent would say… “you’re not allow to say chinky anymore for the sake of your siblings feelings. Have you no shame?”… protect and punish. This is not only wrong, it’s very damaging to the child’s self confidence.

The children are taught that there’s a “VICTIM” and a “BAD GUY” in the situation, when it could be seen as completely NEUTRAL.

This is teaching our children to report/label themselves and others as ‘victims’, and an enemy is created by labeling the other child the ‘bad guy’.

The skilled parent would discuss how that word hold no meaning but the one you chose to attach to it. Teaching your child skills that would benefit them throughout their entire life… and then you can teach your other child how to handle social cues like indicating when a person is not happy… and why you wouldn’t want to be the one causing that unhappiness.

We teach kids to FEEL bad and/or ashamed about something as simple as a sound that did NOT cause any physical or put into action, any physical damage to anyone or anything within it’s vicinity.

THIS IS MENTAL and emotional ABUSE.

We are too lazy at parenting, that this is the easy way out. It’s what we see in society. “Protect and Punish”… we teach our youth to enter the world with no understanding to why they feel the way they feel, and what to do about it… all we do is punish PUNISH PUNISH… we have the largest prison system in the world… and people are banking off of the slavery of those who weren’t taught the right way of understanding and reacting to SOUNDS.

THIS is a simple teaching that SHOULD be taught in schools… because parents are being forced to work so many hours to make ends meet… they can’t afford the time to learn new ways of processing life, so it’s up to us as society as a whole, to teach a different way of understanding life.

Our children are not being taught how to process their emotions… and NO ONE is making a big fucking deal about this? And wonder why there’s all these violence and poverty and war? Uhmmm… are we dumb or are we DUMB DUMB? We have to change our approach if we want to change our future. It starts with what we are mentally/emotionally and physically feeding our children.

We should have a school of LIFE… of just teaching them how to process life, their emotions, add the basics of math and reading… then allow them to chose their passion. When kids choose what they want to learn, they blossom like something new in the world. Why would we stop that?

I believe because I’ve only completed the 8th grade… I’m able to translate it into laymen terms where children can understand… but don’t discount kids… they’re smart as fuck.

One of the capsules in our vending machine contained a rock… I thought the kids would get a kick out of it… they were more interested in the rock than the toys and candy lol HOW could you NOT love kids?!?!?

BUT The important skill set you can teach your child is how to NOT be a victim. Teach them to be their own hero.

YES… I am that type of mom. I take the time to talk to my kids. And because of this, my kids are probably the easiest children to care for in the history of children lol… legit.

I found this funny because it’s true… currently. I want to help change that.

and I want to do it with love… and only love… well not only… but mostly love.

Aloha